Grief is a natural response to loss
Grief is the emotional suffering one feels when something or someone the individual loves is taken away. It is also a reaction to any loss. The grief associated with death is familiar to most people, but individuals grieve in connection with a variety of losses throughout their lives. Loss can be categorized as either physical or abstract, the physical loss being related to something that the individual can touch or measure, such as losing a spouse through death, while other types of loss are abstract, and relate to aspects of a person’s social interactions. Typical circumstances that most people grieve over:
Death of a child, spouse, parent, sibling, or friend
Suicide
Loss of childhood
Divorce or relationship breakup
Loss of physical ability or suffering sickness or disease
Loss of job or career
Loss of home
Loss of trust
The grieving process
Dealing with the emotions that occur in the grieving process takes much time and energy, and is usually both physically and emotionally demanding. It is normal for people to grieve in very different ways. Some people grieve openly, while others hide their feelings of distress. Some people grieve quickly, while others take a long time to “finish.” There is no “right way” to grieve. Each individual comes up with a method of grieving that fits them and their particular loss.
In her ground-breaking book published in 1969, “On Death and Dying,” psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the five stages of the grieving process, which are now widely accepted by the medical community. The five stages are an outline of what nearly all people experience following a loss, but each person may experience the stages in different ways.
Stage 1: Denial and Isolation
The first thought is one of disbelief. This stage is often accompanied by a withdrawal from the normal routine. Many people will experience feelings of “numbness” and shock, sometimes denying that the loss occurred or refusing to accept it. Experiencing the denial stage immediately after a loss can help you to cope and survive while dealing with an overwhelming situation.
Stage 2: Anger
You may experience intense feelings of anger as you move out of the denial stage and begin to accept that the loss indeed occurred. You may feel anger toward the person who died, your family members or friends, the person you feel is responsible for or contributed to the loved one’s death, toward God, or toward yourself. In feeling anger toward yourself, you may also experience intense feelings of guilt. You may become preoccupied with thoughts of what you should have or could have done to prevent the person’s death or, you feel guilty that you are alive while your loved one is dead.
Stage 3: Bargaining
We see it in movies all the time: The dying or grieving person tries to make a bargain with God in order to live longer. Some people will bargain that if they do something like becoming a better person, their loved one will return to life. Other people may experience the bargaining stage as becoming consumed with “what if” questions.
Stage 4: Depression
In the depression stage, your grief may deepen and intensify. You may experience severe emotional pain and feelings of suffering. You may have feelings of hopelessness and intense sadness over the loss. Depression is a natural response to loss, however, and is a necessary part of the healing process.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Acceptance is the point at which you’re able to truly confront the reality that your loved one is gone and can cope with daily life with less pain. The reality of the situation is clearer and accepted. A lot of the anger and depression disappears. Forming new relationships, achieving new goals and enjoying your life again are all parts of the acceptance stage of the grief process.
A few ideas on how to cope with grief and loss are:
Maintain contact with supportive friends and family.
Express your emotions. Talk with someone you are close to. Write in a journal. If you are upset, it is ok to let yourself cry. Get it out.
Take care of yourself. Your physical health also influences your mental health.
Join a support group or seek out other places of healing. Having others who have made it through what you are experiencing is very important for the morale. You need to hear, “You can do it.” If they made it so can you!!
Getting help from a life coach can be a great help to you personally as well. As a life coach, I am able to give you perspective while helping you overcome the enormous grief that comes with loss. Please visit RichCavaness.com for more information on how I can help you change your life for the better.
