Control the Anger Before the Anger Controls You
We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. When it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. Anger can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
Here’s how to control your emotions and calm yourself down.
Here are the ten most popular anger management tips proposed by Psychologists today:
Take a timeout. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.
Once you’re calm, express your anger. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them. Ask the questions: What are you angry about? Who has offended you?
Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you’re about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities.
Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
Identify possible solutions. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything, and might only make it worse. Ask the questions: What is anger doing for you? How would your life be better without the anger? What triggers your anger?
Stick with ‘I’ statements. To avoid criticizing or placing blame —use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes,” instead of, “You never do any housework.”
Use humor to release tension. Lightening up can help diffuse tension, but don’t hide behind it to mask your true feelings.
Practice relaxation skills. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music or write in a journal— whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
Know when to seek help. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.
These previous nine ideas are good and can help some. None of them really gets to the root of problem, they are only band aids. Real healing and relief from anger only happens when we practice the tenth idea for anger management, saving the best for last!
Don’t hold a grudge.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. Forgiveness is simply breaking the emotional bond that is tied to the person or circumstances that has offended you. Forgiveness is letting go in such a way that the anger resulting from that offense no longer holds a person hostage.
Need helping learning how to implement these 10 anger management tips? As a Certified Master Coach Practitioner, I am trained to help you get to the root of your anger, and help you learn how to control it in future situations. Check out my website https://richcavaness.com/ to get help or guidance from me today, and start your journey to being cool, calm and collected.